What NOT to Get Someone Who has a December Birthday

My dear ones, I have a birthday around the bend. And according to my Facebook friends feed, I am not alone. It is time we Sagittariuses and Capricorns unite for the good of what we receive (or lack there of) with birthdays so close to baby Jesus. I'm not saying Christmas is not an important holiday, the opposite is true, in fact I spent the first 22 years of my life using any money I received for my birthday on Christmas presents for others (now that I'm a mother I spend every dime on shit for my kids). The thing is just that we would love a little separate time of celebration too.

Here is what not to give us:

• Anything wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper. Do you not have any holiday-free gift bag or wrapping in your home? No? I don't believe you. Look again. I am not baby Jesus or Santa and would really prefer a neutral wrapping. My husband has always wrapped gifts in newspaper or architect plans and man I really dig that about him. Going green is a safe way to go. Smart smart man.

Target has to have a normal party aisle somewhere right...
I'm lost in a maze and so drawn to all that is sparkly.
Okay, I get it now.

• A combo gift. Look I care enough about you to combine your birthday and Christmas together- aren't I swell? You are swell and thoughtful for remembering me; I don't want to sound ungrateful. It's just that I'd prefer in an ideal world a separate shout-out- not even a gift; just a post  or call or text that's not combined as one. I don't recall combining a June birthday as a combined gift with December 25th. Or even my mom's January birthday- that would be just mean. See what I'm saying? The exception to this rule: a kick ass gift. To an island. Or time alone. AAaaahhhh yes... an alone trip to an island works as a combo gift for life.

Yes please.

• A complete oversight. You want to know the surefire way to break someone's heart that you truly love (I'm talking the deep bff, soul mate, child/parent relationship)? Tell them that you were too busy with the holidays to remember their birthday. Ouch. That stings. I'd rather you fake a stomach virus or the plague. Breaking off plans? Damn it. I really need that cocktail. Birthday or not we all just need any excuse to drink more this time of year. 

Your place or mine? Who the hell cares. Let's just drink.

• Anything ridiculously Christmas themed. Unless it is specifically asked for, do you mind being a doll from refraining? My dad's birthday is in April and you don't see me buying him chicks and stuffed rabbits do you? Plus not all Christmas decorations and attire are good, some are really on the dreadful side.

Case in point.
I just wish there were more ornaments on it.

So what should you get us? I don't remember a girl ever throwing someone out of her bed for anything wrapped in an Anthropologie box. And a night free of cooking and cleaning. And alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. This will make her birthday and the whole season a hell of a lot more merry. 

Happy happy birthday dear Sag friends & December Capricorns too who really get the shaft...

love & joy & a whole lot of toasts to you-

xoxo